once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
