i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
