my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
