My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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