cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
