my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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