smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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