life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
