It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
