**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
