Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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