I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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