My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you had me at cake vodka
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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