We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
