i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
