Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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