My liver just broke up with me...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
