Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize