dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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