DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
