im six kinds of drunk right now
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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