i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize