I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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