Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
