I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
