he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
