Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
