I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
