At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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