Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Randomize
