why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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