he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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