mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
