Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
