cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
