my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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