At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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