I wanna bring you to show and tell
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize