i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My life is pants optional.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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