Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
