ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
