She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
