Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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