I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
