just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
