he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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