If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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