Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
