Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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