Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
