im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
