MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
