My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He kissed a someone with a penis
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
