Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
