I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
