**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
