So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
