did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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