im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
