I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
