The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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