I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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