Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize