after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
