the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
