AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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