Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
