he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
