Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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