What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
